Starks

through tears for my Vincy

Vincy is progressing Kate.
He's beginning to repeat more words using TWO syllables now.
I know it probably doesn't sound like much to you, but it's BIG for my Vincy.
Oh and today he swam during one of his therapies. I looked through the window and it made me very happy because he was happy. I love it when my boy is happy. tear, tear... I guess i just feel so overwhelmed lately at making sure i teach him what's right and acceptable in the social realm of life that i don't have time to enjoy him sometimes because it's a constant lecture. I hate it, but i want him to learn to hit his giant exercise ball instead of me or Wesley or Jeff. And i want him not to throw things around because he might break people's stuff or HURT someone. I'm just so stressed and it's just hard to focus on my son instead of all his issues sometimes.

You see deep down inside i know I'm being the best Mommy for him, however when my emotions get the best of me, i feel so lost in this task of rearing a child that needs that extra-mile-worth of work. feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew

That was a mouthful!

On the contrary i am also learning to have more of a routine in our home in order to make life easier for Vincy and to make life easier for us because of Vincy. It's good for me!!! since it's a challenge for me to deliberately do things on a daily basis that need to be done.

I still love being a mom... ha ha, that sounds funny, but it's true! For a change, i felt a glimmer of light rest on my path that will l am walking along, hand in hand with my boy. My challenge brings tears to my eyes and makes me happy, happy, happy! You see i do not always feel happy about all that i am doing almost all the time cuz it's really butt-kicking hard! Half the time i feel like I am being TOO strict and that i am not listening enough and that i am just being a robot doing my task. I love being conscious of what i a doing. So being in go, go, go, do, do, do mode scares me. I feel like i loose myself and that i my grip on my negative emotions begins to slip.

The lesson i am learning Kate is that i am going to loose hold. But today, through the tears i often cry (because of but mostly for my Vincy) i'm beginning to see that being an imperfect good mommy will be beneficial to him in the end.

I love you Kate.
You are my favourite Kate-sister in the whole wide world!
Cell

about Vincy's autism

Hi little sister
I keep putting your email off. So i decided to just write a little bit
I'm sure you have millions of questions about Vincy, but i'll tell you what i think you'd want to hear and then you can ask me whatever you want to know.
And don't worry about apologising for your questions. Vincent's situation is what it is... that's just life. I won't be offended about anything you ask. :)

So Vince's speech is delayed. He has speech therapy twice a week. The lack of speech or not speaking is a very common characteristic of Autistic kids. He does not always make eye contact very naturally, but i think with pulling is face towards mine and reminding him to look at me has helped him because he does do it. Autistic kids do not pick up on social skills. One of which is making eye contact, thus lots of facial expressions lack as well. In fact come kids use the wrong voice intonation when saying certain things. They'll sound happy when they're supposed to be serious, for example. Their lack of eye contact affects their speech too because they can't see how one moves one's lips, tongue, etc. to make the sounds. Like i have Vincy look at my mouth when i try to get him to say a new word.

The sensory input of Autistic kids is usually over or under stimulated. Bright light makes them uncomfortable, or the sound of buzzing fluorescent lights, or loud noises, or smells, or how things feel e.g. food, what they wear and then how things impact their bodies. With Vince for example he has a need for input onto his body, i.e. pressure.

he for example likes lying on the floor with a towel or blanket rapped around him. Yesterday he lay there for forever! It was kinda odd but it made sense! His body craves it, so he is constantly seeking it. he thinks better and he's also more relaxed. He likes jackets because of the weight (there are weighted vests he can wear or another thing the occupational therapist suggested was wearing tight undersized, pajamas to help him sleep). He hits and throws and crashes things... these are things we have to work on and teach him how to feed that need in a positive way. If not he may injure someone and as an adult that will not be acceptable especially if he does it to his wife or anyone for that matter. So he needs to learn now what he can and cannot do.

Hitting a giant exercise ball, bouncing on a trampoline, washing windows or walls, or sweeping (the force he exerts applies a pressure to his body too), throwing balls (well, anything really, especially if it's heavy), etc. all play a roll in providing him with that input.

Oh and he doesn't like loud noises (like nose blowing or loud jets flying over head. We have air force base jets flying over our area all day) but he gets used to them especially when i explain more about what they are.

I need to go to bed now though.
Love
Marcelle
p.s. Ask any questions you'd like? It may even help me... realise something new.

the whale inside my head

For the longest time now I have been reading people's blogs and for the most part i thought quite critically about what i saw but the more i've been sucked into what other people's lives are like and how fun life can be as a stay home mom i have come to realise that i am missing out on a LOT!!! Needless to say, I have been feeling lost as a young stay home mother for the longest time now and in many instances i've looked through other the blog windows of other mommies, just like me, and i've just been starving and pinning to find the joys of motherhood. So here's what i learned today from a blog that my friend likes

"Living the life you've imagined" (a la Henry David Thoreau)

Bloom

I love this quote because i do feel as though i've been waiting for years to do exactly that: live the life I've imagined. I'm at the beginning of a threshold that seems endless, with boundaries unmeasured. i feel excited yet in the same phrase I'm afraid that i won't find what i am looking for. but alas, i may as well try to do what will bring out that big whale that is trapped inside not only my mind, but my heart (as J.M. Barrie said to Peter in the movie Finding Neverland).

among the many things that i have started doing since i've gotten married is sewing. i love it. You see i'm a renaissance girl, and no, i don't pronounce is REnaissance, but rather reNAIssance... and NAI is pronounced NAY. Go British ENGLISH!!! Any one who knows me knows that i am extremely expressive. In fact i often feel like i am stumbling over my own words as i am trying to get them off of my tongue because there's just so much to be happy about.

In order to get back to the purpose of this post, i'm finding all sorts of priceless but also hidden treasures on blogs that are enlightening my life and making that whale inside of my head very uncomfortable. And so what i want to say is that i want that whale to come out, to be free and to help me live life as i had imagined. I want to start living my life. :)

Wesley - our baby brother/our youngest son

Vince calls Wesley Bubiteeeeeeeeeee. he was born on February 25th, 2010 at 8:20 pm. He weighed 8 lbs 4 oz (3.14 kg) and he was 21.5 in (54.61 cm) long.

This is the same green outfit Jeff wore home when he was born. We also had Vince wear it while he was in the hospital.

A proud daddy and his boy!

“Happiness is the most attractive accessory a young woman can have.”

     ".... If happiness is the most attractive accessory a young woman can have, then a smile would have to be the most charming cosmetic. Make-up, if applied tastefully and in moderation, can enhance appearance. But no amount of eye shadow, lipstick, or mascara could possibly compete with the natural attractiveness of a genuine smile. It brightens the room. It cheers others. It communicates friendship, love, and optimism so much more than any cosmetic ever could. It puts people at ease and is welcoming. Truly in the world of glamour, there is no close second to a genuine smile...
     "If you are discouraged about your appearance, it will help to see yourself through the eyes of those who love you. Hidden beauty seen by loved ones can become a mirror for self-improvements. This phenomenon of the person internalizing the expectations of others with subsequent positive change has become known as the Pygmalion effect, after the famous play in which the “guttersnipe,” Eliza Dolittle, becomes the refined My Fair Lady. The beauty was always there; Eliza only needed help from others to discover it...
     "It is not the smile alone that is beautiful. Delilah surely smiled at Samson, and Potiphar’s wife at Joseph. These were women of the world whose smiles were devoid of inner beauty. “Tell me what you smile or laugh at, and I’ll tell you who you are.” (Marcel Pagnol, quoted in Reader’s Digest, Sept. 2007, 95)
     "The virtuous smile is truly beautiful as it radiates in a totally natural way. This true beauty can’t be painted on but is a gift of the Spirit. It is literally letting your light shine before men. When virtue is combined with obedience to the Lord’s laws of health and respect for the human body, young people truly become temples in which the Holy Ghost dwells, giving them a beautiful aura. It is this beauty that is most becoming and enduring...
     "The world prizes body-baring “beauty.” Hollywood markets it, advertisers exploit it, and the media promote it. The Lord, however, “seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). The kind of a man a virtuous woman wants to marry also “seeth not” as the natural man seeth. He will be drawn to the true beauty she radiates from a pure and cheerful heart. The same is true for a young woman looking for a virtuous young man.
     "In pageants, there is only one declared the fairest of them all. But with the Lord there is no competition. All have an equal privilege to have His image engraven upon their countenance (see Alma 5:19). There is no truer beauty."

Lynn G. Robbins, “True Beauty,” NewEra, Nov 2008, 30–33